What do you do when everyone is enjoying the sunshine, but over you there is a cloud?
I started writing this on my way to meet my friend to watch Ingerlanddddd in the World Cup semi-final as I was ahead of schedule. Unfortunately, we’re not bringing it home, so I have a bit more downtime this evening to take a moment to share an update on my whereabouts.
I haven’t been anywhere exciting. To be honest, I haven’t been anywhere at all! I’ve been doing the usual stuff eat, sleep, work, repeat – plus the gym, church and weddings – all at 1000mph. So when I woke up on a meeting-free Monday I decided to work from home and used the time I’d usually be driving to start a new devotional on the YouVersion bible app.
Before I started reading the devotional: There Is A Cloud, I already knew there was a cloud that was over me, beside me, smothering me. It’s been there for some time. And I’ve successfully suppressed it, for the most part, for over a year. It’s work/workplace anxiety – I haven’t googled if it’s a “thing” or “disorder” or properly labelled. It is what it is.
So a few days into the devotional (Wednesday morning) some of the words jumped out of the Bible app, looked me dead in the eye and slapped me in my face! 🙃
It wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know about where I was and what I was experiencing between a rock and a hard place. It was telling me what I needed to do, properly.
So what do I need to do?
It’s a devotional so (obviously) I need to turn it over to God, to pray about it – I’m working on that in my private time.
As Christians we say and hear a lot of “pray about it” and sing “cast your burdens…” but I also know God has placed a lot of important people in my life.
So I asked them for help. I stepped out from suffering in silence and suffering behind my screen (you can see the full story on my Instagram highlights).
I’ve had a lot of messages, and more than I expected said they had or are currently feeling the same way. So I’m not alone. And if this applies, YOU are not alone. First things first is acknowledging where you are and what you’re feeling is temporary.
My friend sent me great article from Grit and Virtue which calmed me down beautifully. (Beautifully probably isn’t the right adjective, but once you read it you’ll understand why – plus I’m writing this right before 1am).
Now it’s working on uprooting the cause – which takes time. Time offered by friends to chat over coffee, cake or cocktails (they know me well). And more seriously, time with a counsellor or therapist.
My DMs are open if you don’t want to publicly comment under this post but I encourage you to speak to someone. The one thing you can be confident ON is how you’re feeling, even if you’re not confident IN something in particular.
There is no pride in our isolation.
There is progress when we are intentional.